I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
