I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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