i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
