I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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