Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
