So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Couch. On fire.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
