So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
