The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
