my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Quick, to the slutcave!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Two words: nipple clamps
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