i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
