im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
