Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
please come you make the beer taste better
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
