Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize