i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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