how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize