You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
a search helicopter?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
