You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
