what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize