The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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