She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need moral support for this bender
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
