I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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