And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
