so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
