But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
