youre lurking in front of me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
