I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
