I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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