lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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