My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
