Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this boner is exhausting
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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