Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
