it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
