The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
