dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
