i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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