the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
