Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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