i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
