My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
