i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
