you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
