i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
