His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
