u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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