I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love having hate sex.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize