I hate your face
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
