you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
