Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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