sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
