Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
