SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize