dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
