Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
