The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
