You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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