im six kinds of drunk right now
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
