the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
