That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
