Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
