You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize