Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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