so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's shark week go big or go home
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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