I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
