He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
