tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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