FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize