She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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