i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
