ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
