just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
