Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
