I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize